17

right now i feel so ridiculously young
i'm only seventeen and i've smoked cigarettes by the thousands
i've smoked marijuana until i time traveled
i've drank alcohol into oblivion
i've popped CCC's and turned into a spider
i've popped valium and went tailspinning
i've blown perfect hooka smoke rings
i've cut my skin open on purpose
i've been hired twice and quit once
i've befriended and crushed on a mid-40 year old
i've graduated highschool a year early
i've been deeply in love
i've completed my first semester of college
i've slept with a 21 year old
i've had sex with a summer fling
i've been up entire nights into the next day
i've broken a heart
i've broke my own

i am a person

i am here
sitting in the dead centre of the green couch
i'm seventeen years of age
it is May 4th 2009
9:22 pm
i need to remember how it is
to be this young and to be the way i am
my toenails are painted black
and my hair is short and has highlights
i smoke cigarettes and marijuana basically daily
i am single
i am small
i am about to go to sac city for cosmotology
i live in my parents house
and i dont know who i am yet
the things i believe in are not yet positive in my mind
this is the time of the great schism
falling from my former beliefs
in this time, i believe in almost nothing
death is nothing, yet the most terrifying notion i've yet concieved
i am a scared person