and it is all okay

"i dont know"
i say that way too often. and it is always about myself and who i am. i start to think about my past, and what experiences have "made" me. god, its not the experiences though, it is how i've reacted to them. and all of the reactions/actions associated have been bad. B-A-D.. BAD. harboring regret, rejection, fear, hatred, and negativity all resulted from my bad perspective. and now i am slightly lost because this is the what i like to call the Great Shism of my life. i am learning what is right and wrong when it actually counts for the first time in my life. i am EMBRACING the good and accepting the bad. i am considering the more important things like OTHER PEOPLE over myself. why a good attitude about hassels is vital.
for the first time in my life i have been able to relish eye contact with strangers as a slight but fun connection for a split second. all of which makes my eyes open wider to reality. and welcome the coldness and hardness of it.