i am she who advances. fearing none, and loving all. i am the caretaker, the gardener, the sustainer. i am dilligent, strong, and loyal. i am awareness. i am the blossoming flower, the potent seed, the deep soil, and the fanning leaves. i am the creator and the masterpiece, the drumbeat and the dancer. holding myself in high respect, i am a great woman of the earth. pure, upright, and rare.

astrology

Rising Sign is in 20 Degrees Leo. You love to be the center of attention and you want to appear strong, confident and dominant. You are very proud of yourself, sometimes quite vain even. When all around you are bedraggled and falling apart, you look like a million bucks! Very dignified and honorable, you enjoy the power and privilege, but not the responsibilities, that come with leadership. You are very idealistic but can also be quite stubborn. Others impress you only if they have integrity (but wealth, power and influence can also turn your head). You prefer rich, elegant surroundings and possessions, and will try to acquire them as your budget allows. Physically, you are very impressive - - at your best you have a regal, charismatic demeanor and bearing. Try not to be such a showoff!

Sun is in 22 Degrees Libra. Very sociable, you enjoy being with others and definitely prefer not be alone. Warm and affectionate, you go out of your way to make others like you. You despise ugliness, for you being surrounded by beauty and harmony is a necessity of life. You prefer fine clothing, an attractive home and pleasant surroundings wherever you are. Your refined tastes apply to music and to art as well. At times, you are very indecisive you waver and falter when forced to make a choice because you have the ability to see both sides of any question. The positive part of this is that you are very fair-minded and can be trusted to settle disputes. Your greatest challenge is to take any one-on-one encounter and make the most of it.

Moon is in 29 Degrees Capricorn. You are serious and shy and very uncomfortable in those situations where spontaneous and exuberant emotional reactions seem called for. An achiever, you prefer doing practical, worthwhile things that produce tangible results. You need role models to respect, love and emulate. You tend to feel that you're a failure unless you get an important and highly respected position in life. Don't be so hard on yourself! For you, practical needs always win out over emotional considerations. Remember that you too have the right to comfort, security and love. Dutiful and patient, when you make an emotional commitment, you sign on for the long haul -- your love is long- enduring.

Mercury is in 01 Degrees Scorpio. You are a born investigator. You are fascinated by secrets and mysteries and unanswered questions of any kind. When you become upset or angry, your emotional reactions are overpowering -- reason and logic disappear in an uncontrollable passionate outburst. You tend to keep your thoughts secret and bottled up and this makes others regard you with suspicion. It is not that you are trying purposely to be evasive, it is just that you would rather not deal with the explosions and hassles that often occur when you reveal your true feelings and opinions. Your sense of humor tends toward sarcasm and irony.

Venus is in 07 Degrees Virgo. You express your love and affection through selfless service to people or causes. You have a tendency to underestimate yourself and doubt your self-worth. This is very demeaning and should be avoided -- learn to love yourself as well as you do others. Your standards of perfection are very high -- you are attracted to relationships based on duty and responsibility. You are supercritical of yourself and others and, at times, prefer to be alone rather than deal with any imperfections in yourself or in those with whom you might relate.

Mars is in 29 Degrees Libra. You are very aware of the need to cooperate with others in order to further any effort. You are usually willing to compromise with others, although you can be quite competitive in a friendly way. Very fair- minded and impartial, you have the ability to sense injustice and the desire to take corrective actions to make proper compensations. You see both sides of issues and questions, but you tend to be undecided or wavering when forced to make choices that might make you vulnerable or unpopular.

Jupiter is in 06 Degrees Virgo. You feel most expansive and at ease with yourself when you are doing something that you consider to be practical or useful. You enjoy being dutiful and carrying out responsibilities. You gladly take on the little tasks that others seem to want to avoid. At times, you carry things to extremes and feel guilty anytime you do something that you consider to be self-indulgent. While it is appropriate for you to demand little for yourself in life, try to loosen up once in a while -- go out on a fling and enjoy yourself!

Saturn is in 00 Degrees Aquarius. Your personal sense of values is a reflection of the value structures of your peer group and of those you respect and admire. Try to be more critical in your acceptance of these values -- you tend to prejudge the abilities of those you trust and then follow what they say blindly. Basically very conservative, you prefer orderly, systematic changes and fear doing things rashly or impulsively. Ideas and philosophies must have some sort of immediately realizable, utilitarian function in order for you to pay any attention to them.

Uranus is in 10 Degrees Capricorn. You, and your peer group as well, seek out practical solutions to a changing society's attitudes to customs, traditions and authority structures. Your logical and orderly manner of dealing with these matters will result in permanent and carefully planned, but sweeping, reforms.

Neptune is in 14 Degrees Capricorn. You, and your entire generation, will idealize work, practicality and the ability to attain reasonable goals. But, because you will also stress the need to be selfless and giving, you may find it difficult to attain your goals unless you have lowered your expectations on all fronts.

Pluto is in 19 Degrees Scorpio. For your entire generation, this is a period of intense research and discovery in areas that were heretofore considered mysterious, remote or taboo. The root causes for many complex occurrences will be unearthed due to the intensity and thoroughness of the search.

N. Node is in 13 Degrees Capricorn. You rarely get involved closely with anyone unless he or she has something specific and practical to offer you. You tend to be "all business" when it comes to dealing with others. You're usually so intently focused on a particular goal that you rarely have time for social niceties or casual fellowship. But you can definitely be counted on by others to get things done. When you say that you'll do something, you do it. As such, you're a valuable member of any team situation and will probably rise to a position of leadership within the group. Your trustworthiness and sense of responsibility are unquestioned. But do try to avoid the temptation to "use" others to reach your goals -- they might come to resent you.

warning dream

night of march 18th 2o10
a crowd, a gathering of humans
grey skies
a creature facing me
he is a child
a shrunken skull of a bird for a head
with hollow eyes that look scared
i feel scared
his mother (human) covers his eyes
for my sake?
for his

he is an adult
he's being interviewed
he still has a tongue and is able to make wet breathey sounds
it is a language
i understand it slightly
he is speaking about disgrace

he's up on a podium
i can see his body
the frame of it slight, with white loose skin
like a blanket over bones
it flutters in the wind
he's speaking into the microphone to the gathering
it is serious, and very important
i dont think the crowd is listening well enough
i think he gets frustrated
bobs his tiny head up and down with his thick long neck

stuff

http://www.intuition.org/txt/mckenna2.htm

i've learned

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do isbe someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do but to the best you can do.

I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important.
It's what they do about it.

I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learnedthat no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do,no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better besomething else to take its place.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angryI have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give methe right to be cruel.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I've learned that your family won't always be there for you.
It may seem funny,but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.

I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.

I've learned that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that although the word "love"can have many different meanings, it loses value when overly used.

I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

things

the sky. long walks. things carved only by nature. new ideas and subtle coincedences. all natural vitamin D. people who ask questions. the Tao Te Ching and celestial bodies. vigorous dancing. open areas, secret areas. strange strangers rather than common strangers. dream-life. lessons. courage. manifested thoughts with similiar minds. patience. lots of sushi. powerful lyrics. muscles and skin. ecosia.com. camel cigarettes. finding two trees that grow as one. a glass of red wine. the man i adore. any work of art. Burning Man 2010 (hopefully). Yin and Yang. astrology. simplifying. singing. the lifestyle of the first foragers. weather. smiles. body art. i want to visit Kyoto sometime in my life. government/industrial conspiracies. things i find sacred.

reality dream decipher

Book
To see books in your dream, indicates calmness. You are moving toward your goals at a slow and steady pace.�Books also symbolize knowledge, intellect, information and wisdom.

Circle
On a less positive note, it may also mean that you are going around in circles in a particular situation. Or the circle can indicate monotony and endless repetition

Room
To dream that you are in a room, represents a particular aspect of yourself or a particular relationship. Dreams about various rooms often relate to hidden areas of the conscious mind and different aspects of your personality.
Pool
To see a pool of water in your dream, indicates that you need to understand and deal with your emotions. You need to dive right in. Alternatively, a pool may indicate your need for cleansing. You need to wash away the past.

Airplanes
To see an airplane in your dream, indicates that you will overcome your obstacles and rise to a new level of prominence and status. You may experience a higher consciousness, new-found freedom and greater awareness. Perhaps you need to gain a better perspective or wider view on something. If the airplane is taking off, then it suggests that an idea or plan is about to "take off" and be put into action. It may also represent you need to get away and escape from your daily life

Beggar
To see or dream that you are a beggar, represents your sense of insecurity and lack of self-worth. You feel that you are undeserving. To dream that you are helping a beggar, indicates that you will overcome your hardships and inadequacies.

Airport
To see a busy airport in your dream, signifies the desire for freedom, high ideals, ambition, and hopes. It is an indication that you are approaching a new departure in your life. Some new idea is taking off or is ready to take off. You may be experiencing a new relationship, new career path or new adventure.

Escalator
To see an escalator in your dream, indicates movement between various levels of consciousness.� If you are moving up in the escalator, then it suggests that you are addressing and confronting emotional issues. You are moving through your spiritual journey with great progress and ease.�

Outlaw
To dream that you are an outlaw, signifies the repressed and animalistic side of your character. Alternatively, it suggests that you feel the rules do not apply to you. You feel that you are above those around you

Actor/Actress
To�see an actor or actress in your dream, represents your pursuit for pleasure.

Yellow
The color yellow is symbolic of intellect, energy, agility, happiness, harmony, and wisdom.

Secret
To dream that you or someone has a secret, represents hidden power. It suggests that something needs to emerge from your unconscious.

Groups
To see a group in your dream, refers to the merging of various aspects of your character and personality
Gang
To dream that you are a gang member, signifies your need to achieve and accomplish things through force and intimidation. The dream draws attention to the primitive, unruly aspect of yourself.

Meeting
To dream that you are in a meeting, suggests that you need to redirect your energies toward a more productive endeavor. Alternatively, you are learning to accept various aspects of yourself

Sirens
To hear sirens in your dream, signifies a situation or problem that is giving you much stress. The sirens may serve to get your attention and focus on the problem at hand.

Police
To see the police in your dream, indicates a failure to perform or to honor obligations and commitments. The police also symbolizes structure, rules, power, authority and control. Perhaps you need to put an end to your reckless behavior or else the law will catch up to you. You fear punishment.

Shooting
To see a shooting in your dream, indicates that you have a set goal and know what you are aiming for in life. Your plans are right on target!

Crying
To dream that others are in tears, indicates that you need to rethink your actions and how your behavior may be affecting those around you

Tricycle
To see a tricycle in your dream, indicates an ease of tension in your life. It may also symbolize simplicity and a carefree nature.

Spiral
To see a spiral in your dream, indicates that some situation in your waking life is spilling out of control. Alternatively, it may represent your creative power and new ideas.

Branches
To see branches in your dream, symbolize good luck, growth, and new life. Alternatively, branches represent the relationships and communication between you and your family or relatives

Bury
To dream that you bury something, suggests that you are hiding your true feelings. Or you are trying to cover up some situation or act.

Grave
To dream that you are at a grave, indicates that you need to delve into your own unconscious in search of an issue that you thought had been put to rest. You need to stand up for yourself for no one else can do it for you. Alternatively, it represents something is about to be completed in your life. You are leaving behind the old and making a new start. The dream may also be a pun on feeling grave or concerned about a serious or sad situation.
To dream that you are digging a grave, denotes some nervousness and uneasiness over some undertaking.

reality dream

someone was telling me about a book, and how a man had only started reading it and it changed his life. i had the book. on the cover was a picture of the inside of a large room, on one side on the second floor was a big sphere of a room made of glass pannels. on the other side of the second floor was just a floor and stairs coming down to the first floor where there was a swimming pool in the center of the room down below.

i was reading the book on an airplane, and a little girl came down the aisle with a little white bag asking for money. i gave her two quarters, her mother asked me "why are you sitting on top of a swimming pool" as if to say "i really needed a swimming pool below me?" i look down and sure enough i glimpse a pool below my seat.. i feel bad for this luxury when the little girl is asking for money so i give her two more quarters.

sometime either before or after i get off the plane i go into this room where they have video projections of people talking, each in their own cavity. most are celebrities like james franco, pussifer (who is a woman), and a news broadcaster. they're all talking at once. each one had read the book. thats why they were there.

i'm off the plane and am in the airport; someone says something about the book (could have been me) and i drop it as i go up the escalator, it lands in the hands of someone else. i get to the second floor and someone tells me "they're checking all of the girls who got off your plane". i look down and sure enough there is a girl who looks totally normal, my age, who stops another girl in her tracks and searches her. i knew they were searching for the book, or more importantly the person who read the book. i panic, but remember the girl who was searched below had been running. so i don't run. i walk calmly.

suddenly, the picture of what is really going on becomes clear as a woman in a yellow suit who looks like a ninja flies off the second floor (slow motion) and comes hurdling down into the glass sphere room on the other side, i see the men inside scream as she shatters the glass. the men inside are old, white, suit wearing, evil men. they're in control. the woman in yellow is there to kill them. i realized as she was flying through the air that the book was reality. it was just hidden before.

i am now a part of a large group of people, all carrying the secret of reality, all who have read the book. its like the movie Fight Club. there are people from the group everywhere i go. we don't know it by each other's faces, but we do know we're out there, looking out for each other. the man who warned me first was a part of the group, the woman in yellow was a part of the group.

it is a dangerous group to be in, since the evil white men in charge don't want anyone else to get their hands on the secret or the book. and there are many deaths for what we fight for.

but once you know the secret, there is no turning back, not that we would want to.

there is a meeting. there is over 100 of us together, mostly men. che is with me and we're sitting on the side in two lawn chairs. there is a man sitting in the middle and she tells me he is the one who started the group. he is african american and has a face to be trusted.
he gets up and sits on the ground in front of che and i. she seems to know him personally and greets him. i extend my hand and say "its an honor", he shakes it and smiles.
he begins speaking and che giggles at something he says. i say "shut up" and he also says "shut up che". for some reason its not rude, its just protocal and it is important for us to be able to hear what he has to say.
suddenly, we hear sirens. he says "i knew they would be coming". i figure they're coming because there are so many cars parked in one place at night but who knows. che and i stay behind and most of the other group members disperse.
but then there are shots heard. che and i start to go up the hill to the street to see what is going on. she is running, i am walking slowly, i see everything in slow motion. i look to the right and see one group member pushing a cop, the cop pushes back, another man (cop or member) gets involved, pushing. it doesn't get more violent than that but the look on the cop's faces say they are just as upset as the group members. i look to the left, a member is screaming and yelling but i dont hear him, he's yelling at a cop who is half slumped over the trunk of his car, crying. the member is crying. i look at che, members are holding her back, she's hysterical crying and screaming.
a group member had been shot.
i didn't know why everyone was so upset, members got shot and died all the time.
we heard more sirens, more cops were coming and this meant trouble. but our leader told us in an authoritive tone he'd taken care of it.
a group member pulled up in the cop car and i got in with some other members. his vision becomes mine; he started driving crazy, over the field and grass, making hard turns and yelling while he did it. he pulled over in a backyard and there was a tricycle. he gets out of the car and jumps on the tricycle. he starts riding it down a hill and onto a tree branch that wraps around and around going steeper and steeper in a downward spiral. he balances though, going faster and faster screaming out "IT'LL BE OKAY, IT'LL BE OKAY, IT'LL BE OKAY".
apparently his son had died while riding a tricycle.. somehow he slows down when the branch is conjoined with another branch above and he runs out of space. a little dizzy, he picks up the tricycle and marches back up the branch, back up the hill to the backyard.

but some women group members already have a grave dug for him, his body is already underground. i come up the hill and say "shouldn't he be buried with this tricycle?" one woman does not want to dig up the grave again. but i do, i dig it up with my hands and bury the tricycle as well. we have about three other graves to dig and boxes to bury. but then all of the group members who died walk up to us. they are alive, and once again mostly celebrities. one who might have been forest whittaker says "part of the secret is there is no religion, therefore no afterlife, so we're here"

and then i am in my kitchen with my sister and maybe jessica dunham, i hear my parents come through the front door.
"how was the movie?" they ask.
"it was really really great.. the best i've seen in a long time"
and my dad asks if he can draw on my tattoo with sharpie to make one part look like a hersheys kiss, i let him but it hurts my skin.

everything that is good

to share my love
to feel you here
to see your spirit
to move in your way
to stablize my being
to radiate my energy
to be with
my soul embraces yours
you are everything that is good